Best Man Tips
People are always asking me for best man tips. I've done the job twice, and seen it done many, many more times than that. So I guess I'm in as good a position as anyone to give out the benefit of my'wisdom'. Here goesâ€¦
Don't be drunk
There are some best man tips you can take or leave alone. You know: keep the groom on track the night before, don't lose the rings, that kind of thing. But the key to all of it is simply this. Don't be drunk. If you're hammered, stuff goes wrong. If you're not, you can usually keep everything on track (i.e. groom at venue, rings in pocket, mad auntie away from everyone else).
Don't mess up the speech
Your best man speech is important. It's your chance to bring some levity back to the occasion, after a bunch of weepy-assed speeches from drunk dads (and the emotional chaos of the ceremony itself). By now, everyone's had enough of listening to the rosters of people who need thanking, and they've sat through a brandied-up man's attempt to make them understand why it's awesome that his daughter once had a My Little Pony. They need you, my friend. And they need you to get it right.
Pressure yet? No worries. Of all my best man tips, this is the most awesome: start your speech with a toast. Then get everyone to yell their heads off for the happy couple. After that, they won't care if you read a laundry list. Bang out a few snappy stories, carefully calculated to not offend the bride's parents, and finish up by telling the dad he's generous, the mum she's beautiful, the groom he's lucky, and the bridesmaids they're hot.
Don't upstage the groom
You're there to back up your boy, not make him look like a dick. So many best man tips are about keeping your cool, holding back the speech nerves, staying organised. But what about actually doing the thing he asked you to be best man for in the first place? This is a position of honour, dude. You're the best of all men for one day. And your job isn't really to cater to every whim of a stressed-out bride, or to chase down second-tier guests who've nipped off to the bar for a quick pint. It's to be right there for the big guy until he's safely married and all the speechifying is done.
Stick to him like a shadow. Take requests from him. Get him what he needs. And head off irritating people until after he's said'I do'. That's why they call you the best man. Because you're the guy who can stop his head exploding on the most nerve-wracking day of his life.